And so I asked, how does one get over grief?
There must be a technique to it. A secret method. A secret that had been discovered by those who had found their way out of the cold, clammy, soul sucking embrace of grief, of misery and despair.
How do you laugh to your core, how do you find fulfillment, how do you celebrate your victories while you nurse that raw, gaping wound in your center? How do you find the strength to leave your bed? How do you go to sleep on a pillow not pre-soaked by uncontrollable streams of tears from wells which never run dry? How do you keep the memories from storming in, from torturing your being? How do you get rid of that piece of lead lodged underneath the base of your sternum, between your breasts?
How does one get over grief?
To mourn –
To go so far only to find yourself where you’d started. To find yourself only to get lost in the dark recesses of the soul again. To constantly negotiate with your heart, which refuses to listen, or reason.
To remind yourself who you are, so you don’t lose yourself forever.
To stare and see nothing
To be reminded by the slightest of things, of what was and what could’ve been.
To burst into tears at the most unsuitable moments.
To be disgusted by food.
To be saddened by what once brought joy.
To yearn for freedom and at once dread it.
To try, succeed and fail.
To mourn –
To look forward
To look up and see…
blue skies, birds, clouds, beauty, peace, light.
life, death, cycles, existence, endings, beginnings.
music, laughter, herb, breeze, waves, soft palms, heat.
Alas, they said, it is not a matter of getting over grief, it is a matter of learning to live with it, so that it consumes fewer and fewer hours of your day, until it becomes a far off memory – perhaps even, a fond memory.
How does one live with grief?